“Yes, Tyrone, There is a Santa Claus”
Writer: Kelley Puckett
Artist: Pete Woods
Color Artist: Brad Anderson
Letterer: Phil Balsman
Review by Eric Lee
Last Christmas, I boldly declared that Detective Comics #826, starring the Joker and Tim Drake was the best Batman Christmas story ever. However, the caveat is that the comic barely features the Dark Knight at all. So, at the risk of contradicting myself, I declare that “Yes, Tyrone, There is a Santa Claus” from 2007’s DC Infinite Holiday Special for me, is the actual best Batman Christmas story ever that actually stars Batman.
There are so many hilarious, off-handed jokes in this 10-page short that I can’t even begin to list them all. Writer Kelley Puckett sets his story in the Silver Age DC Comics period. If you’re not familiar with that era all you need to know is that it’s absolutely insane, with nonsensical plots and motivations.
They routinely published stories where Batman and Robin fly to space or Superman spends all of his time coming up with overly elaborate schemes to teach Lois Lane a lesson about trying to discover his secret identity. Here, Puckett puts a modern spin on it all with sprinkles of sardonic contemporary humor. The more-biting current jokes are quick and never linger too long, so it’s not mean-spirited.
The plot of this Elseworlds story starts with a little boy named Tyrone Jenkins (the third!) writing to the Daily Planet asking for them if Santa is real. The Daily Planet staff, Perry White, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and- of course- Clark Kent intercept the letter. Perry’s reaction is… unusually exuberant.
Really, Perry?? This is news? Typically, I’d joke that it must have been a slow news day in Metropolis, but when you remember that the city has a flying alien stopping crime on a regular basis, you need to wonder how they can ever have a slow news day. “Superman stops a giant robot? Ho, hum…” Man, people in Metropolis can be so jaded.
Anyways, Jimmy slyly tells Clark it seems like a job for you-know-who. Then Clark winks at the camera, super speed-wraps Christmas gifts, builds a sleigh, and sews a Super-Santa suit before responding… “‘For, Santa.'”
Superman, dressed as Sant, flies his sleigh full of gifts to Tyrone. Actually, let me get this totally right, he’s flying while holding a sleigh full of gifts with one hand as if he’s going to chuck it at a house. Can the Silver Age Man of Steel do anything normal? Superman’s excited until he runs into the ultimate Christmas humbug… Batman.
‘Lying in the Alley… Twitching…’
Even though Batman’s wearing his Silver Age cowl with his happy eyebrows, he straight-up calls Superman “Pathetic”.
The Caped Crusader berates the Metropolis Marvel for dressing up as Santa and saying that the suit’s “patently ridiculous”. I don’t know, Batman. You are flying in a jet pack strapped underneath your cape and you think Superman looks ridiculous? How does your cloak not catch on fire when you use those jet packs?
I pointed it out previously, but the Caped Crusader also brings down his friend’s Christmas cheer by mentioning his dead parents. Based on Superman’s face, you know that Batman’s probably pulled that line on him way too many times in the past. Just look at how exasperated poor Superman is.
So Batman convinces Superman not be Santa for Tyrone, so he discards his Santa outfit and absentmindedly pontificates about how maybe he should probably “do something about that whole Middle East thing. However… what about THE PRESENTS?
So, yeah. Superman could’ve helped bring about peace in the Middle East, but Christmas got in the way. That dude has the attention span of a golden retriever. The Man of Tomorrow then decides to at least give the gifts to Tyrone and his family. However, he’s in for a shock when he finds Santa Batman, replete with a fake beard, already giving gifts to Tyrone’s clan.
Superman’s flabbergasted, but Santa Bat has the gall to give Superman a cheeky wink. He might as well have yelled a big “Eff you”.
This pushes Superman over the edge because he proceeds to clobber Santa Bat in the face, nd in front of screaming kids too.
Conclusion
I guess in the end, Tyrone got his wish. Yes, young man, there is indeed a Santa Claus. Two Santas, actually. They’re both clamoring for your love and affection and are willing to manipulate and beat each other for that love.
How’s that for Christmas spirit?
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